Ephesians 4:29 states “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
You should not say anything to be critical because it tears down and bypasses the issues and tunes in on condemning character. For instance, imagine spending time with a friend and you forget to bring something that he/she requested. As a result your friend begins to call you stupid and talks about how bad you are. The issue is that you forgot to do what he or she wanted, not your intelligence. This is the idea about speaking unwholesome words.
Those words tear down instead of build up. You should speak words that build up another person and tune in on the real issues. Take for instance the above example. Instead of the person calling you stupid for forgetting to bring what was requested, there could be a dialogue on the problem—the problem being the fact of his or her disappointment around not receiving the object desired. The issue was never about your intelligence but about disappointment. From this we see the example of focusing on the issue without tearing down the person. Therefore we should speak words that focus on dealing with the person’s responsibility as well as words that focus on ministering grace.
I remember sharing with a person these words: “It’s amazing how your husband’s intelligence rises and falls according to the completion or incompletion of certain task you assign him.”The problem was not with his intelligence; the problem was with his disappointing her. However, instead of attacking the problem, she decided to attack him. When you don’t seek to speak words that edify, you will do what this lady did. You will attack the person not the problem.
In your communication with others, learn to talk to them and not about them. You should talk to the person you have a problem with first and privately with the intent to resolve the issue God’s way. You should not speak words that tear down the character of a person with whom you have a problem when talking to someone else. You should only get other people involved in the matter if you can’t first and privately resolve the issue. The third person’s involvement is to help bring resolution and not to take sides.